How Not To Survive
by dreamwithinadream262
Summary: The day England was born again, was the day she was fated to die...again. Seems the fates had an ironic sense of humor. Rule #1 of reincarnation- do not get born into a fictional world. Rule #2, don't get born into the Uchiha clan of all people: and Rule #3...Don't get attached. Too late. Well at least she knew one thing, she sucked at living...and dying. M for swearing


**Entertaining new ideas because why not.**

 **A.N. BEFORE YOU READ**

 **Any similarities this story has to any other fics is purely coincidental. Until yesterday I had completely forgotten I had even written this until I stumbled upon it in my documents.**

 _ **Summary: The day England was born again, was the day she was fated to die...again. Seems the fates had an ironic sense of humor. Rule #1 of reincarnation- do not get born into a fictional world. Rule #2, don't get born into the Uchiha clan of all people: and Rule #3...Don't get attached. Too late. Well at least she knew one thing, she sucked at living...and dying.**_

 **I make no promises to update. This was a spur of the moment- writing to get out of writer's block thing...although I do have some plans. Very few, but still enough to write more.**

 **Enjoy.**

 **I dreamwithinadream262 do not own Naruto.**

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 _ **~oOo~**_

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Sometimes you truly don't appreciate what you should in your life. You think, hey this is the way that things are…and you don't question it. You never stop and wonder, what would my life be like if I didn't have this? Or- what if I wasn't born with my parents or…what if I wasn't…me?

Of course, finding yourself in life is a long-winded process but it should also be noted that dying was some tricky business.

With some horrid sardonic humor…it could be said this was her fault entirely...minus the whole being reborn into the Naruto world bit. Of course, if she'd discovered the power to jump into fictional worlds (which nobody possessed, thank god), with some thought, and suppressed temptation- the extended offer would've been refuted with some profuse determination. Or naturally, laughed off, because the whole concept was disappointingly impossible...yet it actually was possible- but, she didn't know that at first. If she had, all her preconceptions about the universe would've been thrown out the window a long time ago.

Unfortunately, death was a much easier earned endeavor, NOT that she'd been pursuing, or contemplating the idea in the first place. Death sort of just...found her, but she might've played a role in speeding up its process unknowingly .

Life was normal, admittedly boring…and most time was spent in a dreary haze of repeated routines, no questions asked.

So on that fatefully, fateful day (oh joy), England Ireland, (her parents had some horrible notion to couple their already toponymic surname with another destination as a name; which led to some very original nicknames such as the title "Island", due to her aloof behavior, and others that shall not be repeated because of their offensive nature.) didn't question the contents of the fast-food burger she'd basically inhaled within a matter of seconds, or the negative effects it would impose later.

For all she cared, she was just enjoying some _quality_ junk food, with some _quality_ friends.

Coupled with an unlucky case of pneumonia, the food poisoning didn't take long to infect her…and those documentaries didn't do justice to how quick the two effectively ravaged her already weak immune system. As soon as she'd inhaled the salmonella invested burger, she was already dead.

Hospitals quickly made their way to the top slot of her 'Places I Hate with a passion' list.

"An apple a day…what bullshit." Came the irritated, strained mutter as she angrily threw the half-eaten fruit across the room. Perhaps jogging for once instead of vegging on the couch watching Naruto would've produced some different results. But no- her sick ass was planted in an uncomfortable hospital room bed, with an even more uncomfortable hospital gown that flashed her butt if she wasn't careful, and sadly- no one wanted to even see it.

There was no worse feeling of being unwanted than having no one care if you streaked or not. Serious self-esteem docker there.

"Shut the hell up." her shitty, always pissed-off roommate spat. Yeah, being in an average middle-class family, with average life insurance- and of course, the hospital being overcrowded due to snow related incidents meant having a roommate.

Sadie- England thought the girls at her school boarded on cliche, and melodramatic but this girl took it to a whole new level. They were complete opposites, not that England was that interesting to begin with- and hell, did they bicker.

The only mutual agreement they'd established was on how attractive they both thought Zac Efron was in High School Musical, as the movie happened to run on repeat...every single day. But, a mutual position on an actor wasn't enough to make her get along with the girl. Naruto occasionally aired, but Sadie- being the ultra bitch she was dubbed the show as _loser trash_ , after watching one episode, and subsequently vowed never to watch it again.

Maybe in a different life she was pre-shippuden Sakura...but that'd be an unfair statement as Sakura really wasn't _that_ bad in the beginning. Childish and weak, _maybe,_ but Sadie would always live as a major bitch.

Accepting your fate was also some bullshit…

When she died, rather miserably she might add…all England could think was one: dying blows, and second: dying of food poisoning blows even more…because really, even her death had been boring.

When it finally dawned on her that she was _dying,_ which was quite the realization as the thought never even crossed her mind...she could only register the fact that it was horribly calm, and that everyone around her would resume their lives when she would not. Her life wasn't anything special; sixteen mundane years chalked up to one big failure, the biggest regret being that her last words were nothing special...just a pain filled "oh shit" before everything faded to black. As horrible as that was, the last words England heard before kicking the bucket was that of Sadie's horrible karaoke singing to the sing-along version of High School Musical.

Life…was cruel.

…Death, was even more cruel.

The afterlife was nothing much but a void space of black to which the girl could reflect on the amount of nothingness that had occurred. Kind of how you'd imagine perpetual detention- sans anything even close to the boredom you could feel in detention, unless you happened to be in the 80's and in _The Breakfast Club_ , but that would never happen.

Perpetual boredom: Perpetual loneliness: Eternal black.

If anything, death had been more boring than life. Maybe she was in purgatory? _Great._

 _Well, it could be worse. At least there's no homework in...purgatory?_

She almost missed Sadie...which was a new low.

But- on one day (or night? She couldn't tell in the permanent darkness) something changed...something...weird.

Now most people wouldn't walk towards the light- as in every cliche hollywood movie that most certainly meant death...or life...but the girl admittedly lacked some common sense. There was one time she'd earnestly prayed to God, Buddha, Xenu, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (it was worth a try), for something to eat, because the afterlife lacked a mini-bar...and she'd forgotten what hunger even was. Huh, she'd never even got to taste alcohol...damn. Maybe the whole insanity thing was a side effect from dying? The whole afterlife had only deteriorated the small amount of reasoning power she had left.

What happened when she'd reached the blinding light…was another situation entirely.

The first sensation she registered was an odd sense of horrible comfortableness, which was alarming in itself...but seconds later it was _cold,_ and everything _hurt._

 _What the fuck?_

There was no time to process what had just happened- hastily she was shoved into somebody's arms, or at least that's what she thought, and whisked away to some mysterious location- all with the thought _WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?_

 _Hell._

 _Ohmygod._

 _Am I going to hell?_

No...it was a fate worse (okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration) - than hell.

She was crying- people were yelling and god- the crying wouldn't stop!

If her own panic hadn't been enough, she could sense a thick blanket of sheer unadulterated horror around her- but that was most likely due to the fact that she was experiencing a panic-attack for the first time in her life- death- Whatever!- and suffice to say it wasn't a pleasant experience. And of course it didn't help that she realized for the first time in those anxiety filled moments that she couldn't see- and multiple foreign hands were doing god-knows-what to her.

Later, she would realize the whole horrible experience had been her rebirth- but in that moment all rational thoughts had banished and were replaced with a steady mantra of _shit, shit, shit._ And then, after what felt like an eternity- the foreign people- the foreign voices that blurred together in a incoherent chorus of dialogue she could barely make out, left...and she was...alone.

Eventually she deducted that she wasn't in hell because a) she wasn't burning and b) of this was hell it was some kind of sick joke.

Things simply got worse from there.

Minutes stretched to hours, (or at least that's what she thought) and hours stretched to days, weeks passed, all with no inclination of where, or who she was. To put it lightly was to say the whole experience was disorienting. She didn't know how, but she just knew people passed by every day. It was almost like she could sense their presence...and for awhile that was a comforting thought- to know she wasn't alone. But, after some thought- it scared her to realize even though she _knew_ there were other...people...around...who were they? And why the hell was she there?

When a nurse had tried to feed her for the first time- She freaked out entirely, and that was the moment England realized that she was _alive._

She had a heartbeat, it hurt...she was breathing..she was ali-

Alive.

Oh.

 _Oh god. Oh god no...no way-holy...what?_

Simply put...she had been reborn.

If she hadn't been in a baby's body- her mental breakdown would've gotten her a one-way ticket to the loony-bin, but being in a baby's body, they chalked her detestable attitude to a multitude of daily problems.

Eventually, England resigned herself to the knowledge that she might have to go through puberty again- if she were able to survive that long again, and that well...she was alive...again.

Still weird.

So, she swallowed her pride, though admittedly all of her dignity diminished the moment it dawned on her she couldn't use the bathroom on her own. Perhaps the nurse thought the baby in her arms was crying because babies cried when they had to be changed- but truthfully it was broken pride.

Broken pride that she was a baby- defenseless...useless... _dependent._

For a long time...everything sucked.

She didn't know how much time had passed. Some part of her was excited to find out what would happen...to find out who she was now. However...on the other hand, was grief. Getting a life back was exciting...leaving your old one was...hard.

Reincarnation had never crossed England's mind before, but if her soul still lingered after her death, anything was possible, right? Maybe this life would be more promising? Perhaps she'd be born naturally talented and do something impressive for once? …Or maybe…she'd finally get a proper name! Or perhaps she'd be horribly insignificant and average...again.

Unfortunately, with her horribly muddle newborn senses, it dawned on her that such information wouldn't be available to her any time soon.

After weeks and weeks of waiting...painfully waiting for something to happen- it dawned on her that her body felt weird. Not weak, not abnormal...just..weird. Like something warm was flowing through her body, and even though it wasn't an unpleasant feeling- it kind of freaked her out.

Well, at least her senses were getting better.

At first it had started out with a bit of light- though everything seemed a bit out of focus, as if you were seeing though 3-D glasses layered five times. Then, the lines started to sharpen, faces started to appear more...recognizable. The room she was in was obviously a hospital...and the crying she'd heard before?- other children, who lay in their respective cots. From far away everything looked pretty average..normal even, though some of the babies seemed to have really weird features- one kid didn't even seem to have pupils- but perhaps that was just because her eyesight still hadn't matured yet. Other things and objects that somehow seemed familiar drew a blank in her mind.

Sometimes, there was indistinct yelling from the other rooms, pain-filled screams of pure agony. At first, it was startling...but the constant active state of the hospital became normal. Wherever she was, people got hurt...a lot. Way more than they had children anyways.

Great.

Occasionally, parents came to pick up their children. Their clothes were a bit..odd, and something rang inside her that she should _recognize_ what they were wearing...but as much as she thought, nothing came to mind.

But- everything became one helluva shit-storm when the familiar glint of a hitai-ate caught her attention, along with a last name being muttered by a medic-nin as they checked up on her, as they did everyday. However, an unknown man accompanied the medic this time.

"-Uchiha."

 _Why does that sound familiar...?_

A calculating, indifferent gaze locked on her, and she and the unnamed man talking to the nurse shared a brief silent conversation with their eyes. Her's being _who're you?_ -and his more being _Why am I even here?_

"She'll be able to leave today." The nurse stated, looking over some charts. The man didn't break eye contact, squinting at her with mild curiosity...and irritation. "Poor thing-" The nurse continued, looking down with a pitiful expression. "Mother dies in childbirth and her father now K.I.A? Well, at least she has a devoted clan to return to. Some of these children don't even have that."

"Hn." Seems mystery guy didn't like to speak much. He was...stoic. Black-hair, black-eyes...blue shirt- was that a katana strapped to his back? How'd they let this wingnut near a baby? Holy crap, were they going to let this guy take her?

Despite the new harrowing information that she was indeed an orphan, her attention stayed on the man. After a month of no particular affection from anyone, she'd been able to come to that conclusion...but now it was confirmed. KIA though? What work had her...f _ather_ done?

 _Uchiha...Uchiha...Uchiha..._

The man shifted to exchange brief conversation with another nurse, and a certain clan symbol became visible.

Half red crescent...white...

 _Hold up._

As if it were waiting to be released, tons of memories from her old life conveniently chose to be remembered. It made her want to vomit.

 _Uchiha as in...The Uchiha clan..bound to be massacred by Itachi and Obito. Uchiha as in Naruto...the show, or manga. Uchiha as in...the clan. The clan that would be murdered. The clan that spurned multiple crazy-power-hungry assholes. Uchiha as in..._

 _What?!_

...The clothes. The indistinct screaming. The weird features _...the headbands...the odd sensation in her body..._

 _Chakra._

A horrible sinking feeling made it's way to her stomach.

This was a nightmare! A fan's dream as some would say but...a nightmare. A nightmare. A-

The waterworks instantly started.

Yep, England Ireland was much better than this curse of a last name. She was so screwed, or hopefully hallucinating wildly. Maybe she was in a food poisoning coma and one day she'd wake up and tell everyone about the horrid nightmare she'd had?!

No such luck. (even though the latter was a bit of a stretch) It would take some serious denial to ignore how much her body ached right now...and dreams weren't supposed to be painful.

The two adults were pulled from their conversation to stare at her wildly, because of her sudden outburst...but she didn't stop. She cried, and cried, and- _no, this wasn't happening. It couldn't be. . It wasn't possible._

"Is she...alright?" The _Uchiha_ asked hesitantly, taking in the sight of the crying infant. As a ninja, he was trained to do hard things like kill...but not deal with babies

"She was a minute ago..." The medic stated, aghast.

No, she was _not_ alright. SHE WAS DOOMED.

The first words that came to mind were _fan-fucking-tastic_.

The second was _holy shit._

And the third? _I suck at dying._

The day England was born again, was the day she was fated to die again.

 _As if this couldn't get any worse..._

But of course...It got worse. So much worse.

What else could you expect from a corrupt ninja world where 13 year-olds could kill their whole families?

For one: Death.

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 _ **~oOo~**_

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 **T.B.C**

 **9/21/15**


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